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i try so hard to remember
all at the same time wanting to forget
not what the event
but feelings
when i try to recall
my mind seems erased
unable to find that certain event
certain word certain action
i try so hard to remember
so i can feel the feeling again
to warn myself in case it happens
again
i try so hard to remember
all the while forgetting
so i find myself
trapped in a wheel
spinning
tumbling
racing
in the same reel again and again
i try so hard to remember
so i can find the truth
so i can arm myself
so i can fight back
i try so hard to remember
to remember the conversations
the words
the hurt
the pain
the shock
the anger
but i can't.
1 comment:
This is a perfect poem for what happens during a verbal, mental and/or emotional assault. I know that you know that this is exactly what a controller wants to create. They want you to be erased, they want you to be confused and unable to pinpoint the "cause" of your emotions so they can shrug it off, tell you you're crazy.
Sometimes the best thing to do, instead of fighting back, is to walk away as soon as you feel the hurt, pain, shock and anger. The explanation? "I am not going to do this right now. I'll be back in a little bit." And then don't say another word until you've stopped the wheel spinning in yourself.
I love this poem.
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